FREE BOOK
REPORTS
Rash ¥
Mr. Was ¥ Godless ¥ Sweetblood
¥ Invisible
Feel free to copy and paste these book
reports! They might get you a
"C" or better in an eighth grade English class, assuming that: a) You
find and delete (or correct) the three untrue sentences I have hidden in each
book report, b) your teacher has not seen this web page, and c) your teacher
has extremely low standards. Good
luck!
Book Report: Rash
Rash, by Pete Hautman, is about polar bears,
pizza, artificial intelligence, mass hysteria, football, head transplants, and a
talking monkey. It takes place
about seventy years in the future when everything fun is against the law. You can get sent to jail for road rage,
or eating too much, or forgetting to wear your safety equipment. Twenty percent of the people
living in the United Safer States of America are in jail, so all the manual
labor in the country is done by prisoners.
I thought this was a sports
book when I picked it up because of the cover, but itÕs more like science
fiction. Some parts are pretty
funny, but itÕs also kind of sad because the future looks like it could be no
fun at all, kind of like that book Feed, which is good too, only by some other guy with initials instead
of a first name.
Bo Marsten, the hero,
is in love with this girl, and when she goes out with another guy he loses it
and tries to hit the other guy and ends up in prison in Canada making pizzas
for McDonalds and being chased by polar bears and playing tackle football which
is illegal because everything that can possibly hurt anybody is against the
law. Bo has only two friends--a
talking troll he invented on his computer for his AI class, and an unstoppable
fat kid named Rhino. It sounds
goofy, but it all makes sense when you read it, except for maybe the part about
the mechanical dog that does everything a real dog does including pooping.
The funniest parts of
the book are when Bo talks to Bork, his pet artificial intelligence. I also liked the football scenes and
the sex scene with the Eskimo girl.
304 words (including
these)
Book Report: Mr. Was
The
book that I read is called Mr. Was by an author by the name of Pete Hautman. The book Mr. Was is two hundred and fifty-five
pages long , and it is about a boy named Jack who meets his grandfather for the
first time as the grandfather, whose name is Skoro, is dying in the hospital
bed that he is lying in. Later we
learn that Skoro is actually the dragon Uthgarthun. Then the grandfather tries to strangle Jack by choking him,
and then Jack passes out and the grandfather dies. After that, Jack and his mom go to a town called Memory
where Jack runs into an invisible man on a bicycle. Jack finds out that there is a closet in the big house that
used to be his grandfather's house that has a metal door inside of it, and when
he goes through the metal door in the closet he ends up back in 1941 where he
makes friends with a guy named Scud and an girl named Andie. And then he goes back. But Jack's dad, who is a drunk, shows
up kills Jack's mom by making her eat a poison mushroom. So Jack goes back to 1941 so he can
stop his dad from killing his mom, and he joins the army and goes to
Guadalcanal to fight the Japanese and Scud tries to kill him because he is in
love with Andie. Then the Dragon,
Uthgarthun, gives Jack the power to compel people to obey him, but steals his
memory in payment. Jack gets all
messed up in his head and forgets who he is but somehow he winds up as an old
man named Mr. Was back in the town called Memory, and when he finally figures
out who he is and why he is there, it's too late and his dad kills his mom all
over again and then hangs himself.
And then Jack goes off to live on an island with Andie, who turns out to
be his grandmother. Also, there is
this weird guy named Boggs, but I have no idea what his deal was.
365
words (including these).
Book Report: Godless
Godless is the book that I read for
this report. It is about some
weird kids who decide to be water tower worshippers, so they start a religion
called Chutengodianism. The book
was written by Pete Hautman, who writes a lot of books and once ate 22 hot dogs
in 15 minutes.
The
first thing that happens in Godless is that Jason gets clocked by a guy named Henry, who is smaller
than him. Jason gets the idea then
to start a religion, Pretty soon
his friend Shin is into the religion too.
Shin is even weirder than Jason and Henry. The best part is where they all climb up to the top of the
water tower at night and go swimming and almost drown, and Henry falls off, and
they all get caught.
There
is a lot of stuff about being Catholic in this book, which Jason is but doesn't
like. They are always arguing
about God and stuff, which might make some people uncomfortable, especially the
part about cannibalism. There is
also a bunch of stuff about snails and comic books. I thought it was a pretty good book considering that it is
mostly about things that I am not interested in, and it had no sword fights or
interesting creatures or cyborgs like on Terminator which is really cool. The only really amazing part in it was
when the water tower speaks to Jason in his sleep and tells him to slay his
parents.
The
book is not what you think it will be, because in the end the main kid, Jason,
doesn't figure anything out, really.
Instead he just gets more confused that ever, but at least his dad is
less of a jerk than he was at first.
300
words (including these).
Book Report: Sweetblood
The
idea in Sweetblood is that hundreds of years ago the vampire legends were started
because of people having diabetes and starting to act weird and look weird,
like having longer teeth and white skin and being really thirsty and afraid of
sunlight. In some ways the book is
very scientific. But mostly it is
just about a girl named Lucy Szabo who is goth and not-goth, and is really
pissed off at just about everybody especially her parents.
It
starts because Lucy gets bit by a bat when she is a little kid, and she has to
get rabies shots, and then she gets diabetes. She thinks she got diabetes because of the bat or the rabies
shots.
Lucy
has a nerdy friend named Mark, and then she gets a crush on this cool kid named
Dylan, and he introduces her to a bunch of his goth friends, and this creepy
guy named Wayne who is creepy because he is completely normal except for the
fact that he throws booze parties for kids and raises butterflies for a
hobby. He also drives around in a
hearse painted yellow.
Meanwhile,
Lucy is having trouble with her diabetes, which makes her act really weird
sometimes, and she almost freezes to death but the nerdy guy saves her, which I
thought was sort of hokey but most of the rest of the book is good, except for
the part where Lucy has to write a book report on The Old Man and the Sea.
The
author, Pete Hautman, is interesting because he has diabetes too, which was
what made him write the book. He
is also a well-known vampire.
I would
recommend this book to anyone who is interested in vampires, diabetes, gothism,
or just a good story.
Three
hundred and six words (including these).
Book Report: Invisible
(Note: This one probably wonÕt even get you a ÒDÓ, but if youÕre really desperate you
could give it a shot. DonÕt forget
to fix the errors--there might be more than three.)
The book that I
decided to read and then read all of is a book called Invisible by Pete Hautman, the guy who wrote
it. It is 198 pages long, which is
shorter than some of the other books on the list, and there are several
pictures which also helps, and it is about a loser named Douglas Hanson who
likes model trains, naked girls, and fires. There are no dragons or things like that, but he does have a
really cranky cat named Mr. Whiskers.
Doug has an actually cool friend named Andy Morrow who plays soccer and
buys him Butterfingers. But there
is a mystery because why would a cool guy like Andy want to be friends with a
loser like Doug? Personally I
wouldnÕt have anything to do with Doug because for one thing I suspect he
smells weird. I completely
understood it why some kids beat him up for being a stalker or something, even
though weirdo Doug didnÕt think he was doing anything wrong. Then when his parents try to send Doug
away to this creepy prison school, he goes postal and sets all these plastic
people on fire. Later on he is
living in some other world or something, or maybe itÕs hell, or else heÕs
completely crazy and hallucinating—the author does not really let you
know, which is completely unfair and why I do not recommend this book. Also it was very unbelievable, but I
enjoyed reading it anyways because it was shorter than Great Expectations and more interesting than The Boring
Old Man and the Even More Boring Sea,
which is mostly this guy floating around on a stupid boat trying to catch a
whale or something, so I guess for a book report it was okay.
302 words
(including these)